Deep-fried Mars bar

Meat pie with chips and boiled vegetables

Roasted lamb with potatoes

Steak, mushroom and ale pie with potatoes and boiled vegetables
"A vegetarian is not a person who lives on vegetables any more than a Catholic is one who lives on cats." - George Bernard Shaw
It is evident from this quotation that George Bernard Shaw spent some time living in England. In England, a vegetarian does not live on vegetables. A vegetarian either starves to death or lives off bread alone. Or sucks it up and eats a steak and ale pie.
When I decided that I would spend my summer in England, I was aware of the reputation of English food as being, well, awful. I knew that the food was heavy and either fried or smothered in gravy (or both). As a result, I resolved to go back to my vegetarian days whilst (yes, in England whilst is perfectly acceptable) at Oxford. I imagined myself living a healthier lifestyle and coming back to the States as my more "natural" size extra small (you laugh??).
My friend Eve warned me against this saying, "JK, it's an island. There are no vegetables. You'll starve to death." I assumed that Eve simply didn't have the "wherewithal" to find the vegetables in the UK. She assumed that I probably wouldn't be returning from England as she did indeed know that vegetables don't exist here. And so we said our goodbyes. She could have at least made a pretense of shedding a few tears as she sent me off to my bleak future as a vegetarian in England.
When I arrived here, my first task was to sign up for my meal plan. The options were vegetarian, fish and fowl, or meat. I'd spent an hour in England at this point. My resolve was strong. I would choose vegetarian. I would show Eve. Brad, who was here for the first few days, urged me to be strong and choose the vegetarian meal plan. (I now have suspicions about his recent inquiries into my life insurance plan.) I marched into the Bread Loaf office and declared,
"Vegetarian, please!"
I wasn't prepared for Mary, our administrator. She shot my decision down with a very detectable grimace. "Oh no, don't be a vegetarian here!" She insisted, "you'll starve to death!"
I felt my resolve slipping away. I saw her grimace, and raised her a very weak "Okay, fish and fowl?"
Mary shook her head with a strong look of reproval. "No, no, do the meat plan. It's quite good. You don't want to be stuck with a plate of fish while (didn't she mean whilst?) the rest of us are enjoying rump of lamb."
I looked to Brad for help. Nothing. If you need someone to go into battle with you, let me save you some trouble: do not bring Brad. He said, "it's up to you, sweetie. Do you think your tummy can handle it?"
I contemplated my tummy. I gave it more credit than it deserved (Wretched, traitorous organ!). I didn't want to starve to death. I didn't want to be stuck with a plate of fish whilst (while??) my fellow Bread Loafers dined on the finest rump of lamb. I really didn't want Mary to grimace at me over every meal we shared together. I wanted. . . "Meat!" I declared.
Thus, I sealed my fate.
Here I am, over a month later, with an extra layer of potatoeyness that no longer allows me to wear the summer dresses I had brought (another amateur move: One does not wear summer dresses in England. It's bloody cold here). I've eaten countless meals consisting of meat drenched in gravy or fried, or, alas, both. I've eaten so many potatoes I have become a potato. I'm hoping that I won't also begin to resemble my meat and become a meathead. But, I have survived. I have been no more a vegetarian than Cathy is a Catholic. I will return to Eve and Brad again. . . with or without their help.